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The Rules...?

SIMPLE DUTIES

  • You make the bed…..+1
  • You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…..0
  • You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…..-1
  • You leave the toilet seat up…..-5
  • You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty…..0
  • When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…..-1
  • When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom…. ; -2
  • You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5
  • In the snow …..+8
  • But return with beer…..-5
  • And no liners…..-25
  • You check out a suspicious noise at night…..0
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing…..0
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it is something…..+5
  • You pummel it with a six iron…..+10
  • It’s her cat…..-40

AT THE PARTY

  • You stay by her side the entire party…..0
  • You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old drinking buddy…..-2
  • Named Tiffany…..-4
  • Tiffany is a dancer…..-10
  • With breast implants…..-18

HER BIRTHDAY

  • You remember her birthday…..0
  • You buy a card and flowers…..0
  • You take her out to dinner…..0
  • You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar…..+1
  • Okay, it is a sports bar…..-2
  • And it’s all-you-can-eat night…..-3
  • It’s a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and you r face is painted the colors of your favorite team ¦.-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

  • Go with a pal…..0
  • The pal is happily married…..+1
  • The pal is single…..-7
  • He drives a Ferrari…..-10
  • With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)…..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

  • You take her to a movie…..+2
  • You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
  • You take her to a movie you hate…..+6
  • You take her to a movie you like…..-2
  • It’s called Death Cop III…..-3
  • Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls…..-9
  • You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

  • You develop a noticeable pot belly…..-15
  • You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it…..+10
  • You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…..-30
  • You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”…..-800

THE BIG QUESTION

  • She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
  • You hesitate in responding…..-10
  • You reply, “Where?”…..-35
  • You reply, “No, I think it’s your ass”…..-100
  • Any other response…..-20

COMMUNICATION

  • When she wants to talk about a problem:
  • You listen, displaying a concerned expression…..0
  • You listen, for over 30 minutes…..+5
  • You relate to her problem and share a similar experience…..+50
  • Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, “…well, what do you think I should do?”…..-100
  • You have fallen asleep…..-200

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

  • You talk…..-100
  • You don’t talk…..-150
  • You spend time with her……-200
  • You don’t spend time with her…..-500
  • You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER.

Props: Caffeine overload

Biz

12 comments:

iLLMATICBBCMODEL said...

biz elaborate..
im lost.

here come the anons

Ginger Kid said...

LOLLLL

So good.

iLLMATICBBCMODEL said...

ginger kid help me out dude
im soooo lost

Booga said...

Lmao! Mostly true. Personally, I would subtract points if a guy was too neat (who the hell has decorative pillows?) and too clingy- please, fucking mingle, already!

clav said...

See? That's the problem with you women - you're never happy!!!

Cha.

brazen said...

I laughed a lot at that! Very funny!

Anonymous said...

That was tooo funny-esp the time of the month bit. do you mind if i put this on my facebook?

Tim Nice But Dim said...

Please sumbody help out illmaticbbcmodel sounds like he is well & truly BAFFLED!!

Lost sleep and all sorts!!

Note to all posters.... Please can you make your posts easier to understand!!

iLLMATICBBCMODEL said...

lol thanks tim
I just read it really late last night, i get it now pretty witty.

Im found

Anonymous said...

Illmatic...get a clue

LOL

iLLMATICBBCMODEL said...

now thats a suprise
a disrespectful anon

Ive just flown in from the states, jet lagged as fuck, brain isnt functioning as normal, had a blonde moment wow

oh yeah biz Greg at air traffic control in miami was saying you guys are gonna be doing some project together or something when he comes to london.

His also a DJ right?

Ms Porcelain said...

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. So I laughed (it's always the better option)

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